Choose Belonging

Been on a plane lately? A bus, train or subway? Notice the number of people wired up to their phones/tablets/computers so they don’t have to hear or acknowledge the rest of us?

Oh we totally get it – whatever is on the phone/tablet/computer is more interesting/entertaining/important than the rest of us. Especially if there is a possibility that any one of us is uber-annoying. But what if being really “wired up” means being aware of the person sitting next to you? Being alert to helping that person?

This is not a post about the downside of “isolation.” It’s an argument for the importance and value of participating…for belonging. Even when – maybe especially when – there is a chance that it could get uber-uncomfortable.

Brené Brown has a wonderful description of belonging that also indicates the inherent power – the power of authentic self – that every individual brings to the act of belonging:

True belonging is not passive. It’s not the belonging that comes with just joining a group. It’s not fitting in or pretending or selling out because it’s safer. It’s a practice that requires us to be vulnerable, get uncomfortable, and learn how to be present with people without sacrificing who we are…it takes tremendous courage…

Something happened to me on a plane the other day when I had that moment of either “tune out?” or “heck, I am going in!”…”disconnect?” or “belong!”

A very little guy traveling with his parents and older sister threw a raging tantrum about an hour into our five hour flight. He was not giving up no matter what his exasperated parents tried – in fact, he sounded more and more hysterical. Gasping even.

That is when I had my “disconnect” or “belong” moment. Several people had plugged up with their earphones/earbuds (even his young sister!) and I was tempted. Others were visibly agitated, especially mom and dad, which wasn’t helping the general atmosphere. Ah, I said, I can help by calming myself!

So I began by loving this little guy and thinking about his sweetness and innocence. I remembered seeing him giggle and smile at passengers as he toddled around the gate area. This is who he really is. He is safe right here in this place. His parents love him and care for him and will do anything to keep him safe and happy. Heck, everyone on this plane really wants him to be safe and happy!

This positive perspective of the little boy and his parents is what I engaged with, participated in for several minutes, not my agitation. This was my choice to be present and belong and contribute to our metal-tube community hurtling through space. Tell you what, in a few minutes I calmed down. Bonus, so did the little guy!

True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are. —Brené Brown

Belonging is action – it requires participating with your authentic, true self. And it is deeply, uber-ly satisfying. This month, June, we will be sharing stories about what happens – what a difference it makes to living – when people choose belonging.