Angels, Not Enemies

We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory…will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.

– Abraham Lincoln, 1861

Think about the timing of this statement from Abraham Lincoln’s first Inaugural Address. There was escalating talk of civil war and the breaking up of the young country, not even 100 years old, over monumental ideological differences of slavery and states’ rights.

In that brief space before the explosion of war, President Lincoln did not pound his fist and urge one ideology or policy over another to diffuse the situation. No, instead he made a distinction between the opposing passions of differing views and the shared values or “chorus” that served to create the Union. Remember who we are and what we have already shared to become who we are, Lincoln pleaded.

Four bloody, tragic years later, President Lincoln addressed the entire country again at his second Inaugural Address, days before the surrender of the break-away states and the affirmation of the Union. Even after the horrors of countrymen fighting countrymen and families fighting families, Lincoln refused to elevate the victorious side over the defeated and called for unity:

“With malice toward none, with charity for all,…let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation’s wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan…”

Oh wow. Who doubts we need this inclusive wisdom, this grace, these angels right now to bind the wounds in our country?

Mike McGillicuddy is a skills facilitator for Better Angels, a bipartisan citizen’s movement which seeks to depolarize America by fostering reconciliation and solidarity. Mike is also a licensed Clinical Social Worker.

We caught up with Mike just as he returned from the Founding Convention of Better Angels, where 150 Delegates (75 Red, 75 Blue) learned how to facilitate better ways to disagree, understand other viewpoints, discover constructive policy arguments.

“I’m pumped!” exclaimed Mike. “We were evenly represented from Red states and Blue states, no one shy or reticent to discussing different viewpoints. But we all agreed to focus on our similarities in values and mental processes. It was never contentious, only productive and enlightening.”

Mike comes to Better Angels with a lifetime of living in a self-imposed  “between-space”: not in agreement with his conservative family viewpoint on social or political issues, but also not comfortable with any liberal perspective that judges or ridicules opposing views. “I have always worked to find a way to live in the same world as my family, so I constantly tried to bridge or negotiate between two differing views and create a ‘between-world’ for both halves of me!”

There could be something quite helpful in this approach to ratchet down the divisive rhetoric plaguing our social interaction these days!

“We just don’t seem to allow for viewpoint diversity,” observes Mike.

And that is the crux of a very big problem. Because a narrowly-defined and restrictive perspective can set the stage for ridicule, sneering, even demonizing other opinions. How can points of agreement be discovered in an atmosphere with hate-bombs lobbed back and forth?

Not surprisingly, Mike offers a practical way out of our divisive, polarized atmosphere: “Be curious. Ask yourself, What makes the other person tick? Why is their position true to them? Is what I say about my opinion threatening to them somehow?”

Grace is a vital companion quality in the uncomfortable path between ideological positions. “I really try not to paint anyone into a fixed category by reflecting on my own messiness…I have to presume there is messiness in others, so I want to give them space.” Mike regularly watches news programs that don’t align ideologically with his own. “I don’t want to be stuck myself in ‘confirmation bias’…I want to see how events are reported from different perspectives.”

Right, left, blue, red – individuals may be at a heated policy impasse, but Mike states what should be obvious, “That cannot be the only or entire way we engage with each other. Acknowledge our shared humanity. Recognize that there are loving, tender, insightful people holding differing positions. Do not sanctify your own position at the risk of demonizing another.”

“We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies…With malice toward none, with charity for all.” – Abraham Lincoln

This is proven wisdom reaching across 150 years to guide each one of us. It is our baseline, our standpoint from which we strengthen the values we share. We have work to do!

How can you “depolarize” your world today? Here are some tips:

• Be curious – Why does my (family member, work colleague, church member) feel threatened by my opinion? Can I ratchet my rhetoric down?
• Stop sneering – Am I demonizing the other view? Is my tribe demonizing the other view – if so, call them out on it. Don’t be silent.
• Make space – Find ways to accommodate or consider another view; don’t worry, you don’t have to change your viewpoint, but you will learn something about another position!
• Recognize humanity – See the loving, caring, helpful people who hold tight to their positions…is there one thing you share in common?

Be a Better Angel yourself, learn more, join up and donate here:

Better Angels is a bipartisan citizen’s movement to unify our divided nation. By bringing red and blue Americans together into a working alliance, they’re building new ways to talk to one another, participate together in public life, and influence the direction of the nation.