Polish the Code of Life Early

“Who would know?”
“YOU would know!”
(long pause) “Who else?”

This conversation was long ago between my 8 year-old sister and my mother. My sister was selling Camp Fire Girl mints and was closing in on the top tier merit badge. But time was running short. So she had figured out how to make the top tier felt badge to wear on her vest, working around the pesky problem of actually selling more boxes of mints. Mom was having none of it. And the merit badge remained out of reach.

The story has been often-told in my family. Sometimes as a punchline, but more often a morality lesson, repeatedly with four kids to teach. My mom meant it to be ingrained. As a result I am pretty sure each one of us kids grew to hear The Voice without Mom, often at a mental fork in the road (honest-way or skate-way), “YOU would know!”

Remembering this, hearing The Voice again in my head, reminds me that morality lessons are taught and learned – then reinforced over and over, either by repeating or suffering painful consequences.

Sadly, when the “skate-way” is reinforced by unearned benefits, positions and/or money, the reach for more continues without a check. Until sometimes it is: over-reach becomes shockingly and publicly checked.

Like the uber-disturbing college bribery-cheating-lying scandal which has indicted 50 parents and school administrators so far. Evidently it has gone on for years. Hidden and unchecked until now, but consequences will be paid, with interest– including the compounding effect on the future lives of teenage children. A heckuva time to be learning a moral code.

Kids’ characters are unformed in early years, but somewhere in there are unpolished nuggets of sweetness, kindness, compassion, honesty, truthfulness, generosity, helpfulness, affection, love. Natural soul-qualities that, when nurtured, become a substantial code or compass to guide. Lived and shared with family, friends and eventual coworkers, entire communities are benefited. That’s definitely who the trustworthy and forthright woman my 8 year-old sister became!

What happens when these nuggets are neglected? Well, we are watching the suffering effect of that play out now in real time. Isn’t it better for kids to hear The Voice loudly and often annoyingly, “YOU would know!” – and choose the honest-way? Otherwise, “Who else?” becomes everyone you know and painful consequences should be expected to be paid.

Parents, Aunts and Uncles, Teachers and Friends, love the children so much that all you see are the beautiful nuggets, the potential of good character waiting to be polished. YOU will know.

“There are two ways to think about kindness. You can think about it as a fixed trait: either you have it or you don’t. Or you could think of kindness as a muscle. In some people, that muscle is naturally stronger than in others, but it can grow stronger in everyone with exercise.” – Emily Esfahani Smith, Author